i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
