if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
