whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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