Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
