Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
