That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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