after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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