is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
