3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
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