I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Randomize
