I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
