"it" just moved
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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