Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
did i just pee glitter
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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