remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You made out with two different species that night
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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