first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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