wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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