Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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