I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize