Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
