I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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