did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
