Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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