I bet he comes in French.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
