Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
