I murdered the dance floor call the cops
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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