I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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