Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
