I puked a lego.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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