I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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