Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
