There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
