Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
