I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
