I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
