I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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