I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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