Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Floor bacon is actually really good
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
