babies were throwing up all over the place
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
They have beer where we have blood.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Randomize
