Moan for me like Helen Keller
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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