Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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