I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
