Who wears a wallet chain?!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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