I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
