He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
