Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
