im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
