Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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