All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
