Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
