i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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