Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
