I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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