I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I am available for nakedness
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
