She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
