Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
