About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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