Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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