I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
