just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
