Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
