if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
