do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize