I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
