oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
