my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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