I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
