Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
