I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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