There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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