I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
